In the wake of Harvey Weinstein allegations #MeToo is doing some rounds. It shows the magnitude of the problem with sexual harassment. And the magnitude of ignorance. When I look at the feed in my social media its woman after woman posting #MeToo.
And yes, #MeToo.
But men still are surprised. Or worse, they shrug it off, like it was something to be expected because that is how one makes a career in showbiz. And everywhere else. When I read those why didn’t they came forward before they were trying to milk it comments I am getting angry.
I don’t think we will ever be able to explain to men how it is: to experience harassment or assault and feel it was your fault. You feel that way because you are programmed from a young age to feel that way. Don’t dress too slutty (whatever it means), don’t laugh too loud, don’t stay out too late. You got raped – if you were wearing a skirt and it was you school friend was it actually a rape or did you wanted it. Your boss complimented your breasts that is no harassment he was just nice. It is what you hear from older colleagues at work.
So after the first or second time, you developed your own ways of dealing with situations like that. You avoid being alone with your boss, you change the way you dress and look after your drinks so no one can drop you a roofie. When you walk back home from work in the autumn when days are getting shorter you become more vigilant. Keep looking over your shoulder and pretend to use your phone with a finger on the 999 when a stranger passes you.
Statistics are frightening
one in six of us experienced sexually motivated assault. In a majority of the cases, it was by someone we knew. So maybe its time to stop blaming us for it and turn attention to men. Because if we can train our dogs not to steal food from our plates, we should be able to teach our boys not to touch girls without consent. Not to comment on girls appearances and not to rape.
We are allegedly the wise men species after all.
I want different reality for my daughter. Want her to feel safe and secure and not to be afraid that someone will hurt her. I want her to be able to scream if someone tries. Don’t want someone victim blaming her if something bad happens. Because sometimes we need to go through a park on the way from a to b. We have all the right to be safe.
I want Harvey Weinstein’s of this world to be kicked out from places that enable them to cause damage. And women to support each other. Because we enable them too, every time we are slut shaming, every time we try to excuse poor behaviour of our boys. We have to come together on that after all feminism is a sisterhood.